His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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