sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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