Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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