You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
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My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
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Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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