please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
