i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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