would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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