honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
