I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
