And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
