Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
