In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
