when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
