my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
