it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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