I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
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I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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