i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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