Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
