Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
