He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
