How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Of course I have a pirate flag
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
