loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
