dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im six kinds of drunk right now
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
