he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
there is glitter all over my balls
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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