She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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