He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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