Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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