Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
