Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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