The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
