eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
