Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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