Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
