your parents love me but you hate me
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
