how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
