Michael Bay diarrhea
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
