sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I smell stomach acid.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
