you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
