Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
