Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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