i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas