Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian