So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
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and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
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He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??