The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
