Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
