is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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