moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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