Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
