3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I need a beard to bite.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
