you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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