Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
