it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
