Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.