i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
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this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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