Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
