there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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