she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
