She went from zero to smokin in five shots
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
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My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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