If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
