dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
