He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
