I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
