I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
