I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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