i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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