he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
PANTIES FOUND
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
