at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
