Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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