She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
